The Dissociation of Yuki Nagato
by Luppi-tan
Summary: Yuki Nagato's alternate personality landed her in a world of trouble... She tried to kill her friends, and now she's in the hospital. Can her friends forgive her, and more importantly, can she forgive herself, and overcome her demons? KyonxYuki AU... Refer to Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan and Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya. Rated M for violence. No sex.


A/N: Dear Readers, before you send me reviews telling me that this storyline makes no sense, I agree that it would make no sense were you only to read the series The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, and watch the movie The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya. However, if you have also read The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan, you'll probably get it. I know that Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan only has cameo appearances of the characters from Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya. However, one night, I wondered what it would be like if I tried to overlap the two stories. I understand that there are probably questions about discontinuity between the two storylines. Feel free to ask them. I might not be able to answer, but it will be good to know of any mistakes I may have made.

Chapter One

Yuki stared out the barred and screened windows of the hospital. She wondered what she had done in her life to truly deserve what had happened to her. Thinking back on all that had happened in the past two years, eight months, and twelve days, it would be easy… All too easy, and far too satisfying for Yuki's own taste, to appoint blame. She could blame Kyon. Had he not come into her life that day at the library, she wouldn't have fallen so madly in love with him, and she would never likely have met Haruhi Suzumiya, Itsuki Koizumi, Mikuru Asahina, and Miss Tsuruya… All of whom she could also claim were at fault. She could blame Ryoko Asakura, her best friend, and occasional guardian. Had she not been so overprotective, at least in Yuki's eyes, she wouldn't have had to hurt her like she did. Blood now stained her hands, and no matter how much she wanted to blame anyone and everyone else, she knew she had only herself to blame. It was all her fault. She could only now beg her friends' forgiveness. The real problem was that she didn't feel that she deserved their forgiveness. She had tried to kill Ryoko, the girl who had been looking out for her for years. She attacked Haruhi Suzumiya, the girl who committed no greater crime than falling for the same man as her.

Unfortunately, she also didn't want to ask their forgiveness, as part of her, that insane, malicious, evil, vile, wicked part of her that occasionally showed its hideous, unkind, and unworthy face, still hated them all, still wanted nothing more than to escape that cage and murder all of them. Kyon for loving the two Yukis, but not her; Ryoko for getting in her way; Haruhi Suzumiya for trying to steal Kyon from her; Tsuruya and Asahina for simply existing and taking Kyon's attention away from her, and Koizumi for supporting Haruhi in stealing Kyon. They all needed to die… No! That was wrong! She needed to die. Yuki needed to die.

"Suddenly, Yuki realized she was being restrained again, her small body being none too gently pulled away from the wall as she tried to slam her head into the concrete.

"Calm down, Miss Nagato… You'll be alright… Please don't make us sedate you again…" One of the orderlies was saying gently, embracing her, and sitting her down on her bed again. Finally, after struggling fruitlessly, she went slack and sat down as the orderly demanded.

"I-I'm sorry… I-I don't know what I…" She couldn't finish that. She did know exactly what she was thinking. She wanted to die. She wanted it so badly. She didn't deserve to live, thinking such horrible, wicked thoughts about people who had done nothing to hurt her, and everything to help her. Kyon, who had loved her, even though she didn't deserve his love. He had been there for her for those entire two years, and yet she hated him. She wanted to tell him that he should go out with Haruhi, and forget about her. But every time she tried to say that to him, she ended up choking on her words, and that vile, dark voice came into her mind, telling her that all she had to do was kill Haruhi, and he would be all hers forever.

"W-why won't you let me die?" Nagato sobbed, falling down on her bed, pounding the pillow. She wasn't very strong, and unfortunately, her tantrum didn't last long before she had to stop to catch her breath.

"Don't say that, Miss Nagato…" The female orderly said gently, pulling Yuki back into her arms. "You know I'm not allowed to ignore a suicide threat. Besides, if I let you die, none of us would ever get to see that wonderful, beautiful girl that's hidden underneath that dark shell again…" After a moment, she leaned in, and whispered. "You are Yuki Nagato right now, right?" She asked. Yuki nodded. It was a legitimate question. Ever since she was hit by that car, her personality had fractured. She first had two personalities, both named Yuki Nagato. Her original personality was shy and had difficulty making eye contact even for brief periods, and the strangest quirk of not being able to explain how she did math problems, despite the fact that she was so brilliant at it. Her second personality, also named Yuki Nagato, was cold and taciturn, was interested only in books, rather than her video games, and was excellent at explaining math problems, and could help anyone with any kind of academic struggle. She was socially inept, and rarely smiled, and her face was a constant mask of a lack of any easily discernible emotion. Both Yukis were in love with Kyon, the shy Yuki because she loved his personality, and everything else about him, and the cold, taciturn Yuki because he was perhaps the only person who could tell the two Yukis apart at a glance, and even understand how the taciturn Yuki was feeling.

Then there was a third personality… That horrifying, dark, wicked, deranged voice inside her head that told her to kill anyone who tried to take Kyon away from her. She was madly in love with Kyon, and not at all shy about saying so. But she expected Kyon to love her back, and when he said that he didn't love that personality at all, she became violent and had no qualms about killing him, with the reasoning that if she couldn't have him, nobody could. Now, all of her friends were frightened of her. She was sure of it. Kyon and the others still came to visit her, but she was positive that they didn't want to, but were too kind to just abandon her.

She wasn't sure she remembered exactly the reason she went there, or, at least the most immediate reason she was taken… Yuki thought for a moment… But nothing came to mind. Did she really have to go through the entire story again in her mind? She hadn't said a word to anyone until a few minutes before when the orderlies restrained her. She hadn't told her story to the people at the hospital. She hadn't talked to the other adolescents there. Nothing. Everyone was probably under the impression that she was mute or something like that. She was sure that people were laughing at her behind her back. She removed a small blade that she had hidden up her sleeve when an orderly had passed her in the hall earlier that day. It was slender, and not suited for much, but it would do the trick. She brought the blade down, and drew it across her arm, hissing in exquisite agony as the sharp item did its unspeakable work. She watched blood ooze out of the wound, and giggled darkly at it, even as she was feeling slightly nauseous from the crimson red liquid. She bent down and licked the blood away, shuddering at the salty, yet metallic taste that it left on her tongue… Like liquid fire. She brought the blade down, harder this time, and made the cut deeper, tears forming in her eyes… Though whether they were tears of joy or tears of misery, even she couldn't tell… Maybe both. She cut herself over and over again, savoring the pain that she felt she so deserved until suddenly, she had the urge, and the inspiration. She had only been cutting her arms. It would be so easy to end it all… They didn't understand… The orderlies, the doctors, none of them understood that it would have been far kinder to allow her to die instead of 'saving' her, and forcing her to continue her miserable, wretched existence. She was already feeling lightheaded from loss of blood. The world was fading out, and there was a glorious pounding in her ears. She could stop immediately, just faint, and she would wake up in an hour or so in the isolation room with her cuts bandaged… Or, she could make that vital incision to her wrist, and end it all… And how much happier everyone would be without her. They would celebrate her in death as she had not deserved to be celebrated in life. She could finally do something useful for the world and rid it of herself. She slowly lowered the blade to her left wrist, and drew the blade across. Unfortunately, or perhaps it was fortunate? The same orderly came back just as she was drawing it across and shouted out her name, causing her to slice herself harder than she had intended. She felt a strong pair of arms grab her and wrestle the blade away. She could hear herself screaming… But it wasn't her own voice… It was a cold, unkind voice, shrieking horrid profanities at the orderly, her face warped with rage like a demon's calling her every name under the sun. She could feel herself struggling, but it wasn't her body. She was getting weaker, and weaker, and finally, she passed out, and entered sweet oblivion, if only temporarily…

When she awoke, she was in the quiet room as they called it. She could hear voices outside. Someone was angry as hell. She could hear the head doctor yelling at the entire staff.

"Who the HELL brought a _pocket knife_ onto a ward filled with suicidal teens!? What on _earth_ was going through your mind when you did that!? Do you have any idea what would have happened if Nagato actually succeeded in killing herself!? What would we have told her relatives!? 'Sorry, Mr and Mrs. Nagato, but one of the staff made a tiny mistake and brought a _pocket knife_ into the hospital! We're going to ask her who she stole the knife from, and whoever did it is going to have their ass fired!"

Yeah, that sounded like something Dr. Nakigawa would do. He was foolish to think that she would tell them. She wasn't really interested in getting anyone in trouble. She only wished that she could have succeeded. For a brief, beautiful moment, she had seen death, and welcomed the chance to embrace it. However, it was snatched away from her as quickly as the opportunity presented itself.

Suddenly, it went quiet, and then, the door opened, and Dr. Nakigawa was standing in the doorway. She walked in, followed by a nurse. As was his usual affectation, he adjusted his glasses, which made Yuki reach up to her face and realize that she was missing hers. She had not noticed before, but her glasses were gone. She gasped and felt around on the windowsill, but to no avail. Dr. Nakigawa sighed, and as far as Yuki could tell, shook his head.

"Unfortunately, Miss Nagato, your glasses were crushed. One of the orderlies stepped on them while restraining you. Now… Before we begin, please sit on the bed…" He said in his usual cold, businesslike tone. He wasn't a social worker, therapist, or psychologist. He was a medical doctor in charge of the physical wellbeing of the patients. He took a penlight out of his pocket and shone it in Yuki's eyes, drawing it from left to right, watching as her eyes followed it.

"Are you experiencing any dizziness, sleepiness, or nausea, Miss Nagato?" He asked. As always, he was very succinct. In a way, that was good, but it never made Yuki feel at ease, especially with the way he called her 'Miss Nagato', and the way he looked at her with those cold brown eyes of his, like she was nothing more than a lab experiment.

"N-no, sir." Yuki said briefly. The doctor scribbled this down in his notebook next to the dose of sedative they had given her, and nodded.

"Now, how did you get a pocket knife onto the ward? Your friends are always frisked when they enter… It could not have been them. It must have been one of the staff. Please tell me who had a knife on the ward." He said, staring hard at her, almost accusatorially, like he blamed her for wanting to die.

"You do know of course, that it is not just about you, Miss Nagato. There are other patients here, and we cannot allow this to happen again."

"I won't get anyone in trouble…"

"You are going to put everyone in danger to save one person's job!?" Dr. Nakigawa burst out yelling, causing Nagato to fall off the bed, gasping as the wind was driven from her lungs on the fall.

"Please pardon my outburst. Nurse. Put Miss Nagato under suicide watch. She may return to her room, but she must be checked on every ten minutes. And take away any pencils she has. If she must write, she may use felt tip pens."

"Yes, Doctor…" The nurse said, helping Yuki stand, and leading her back to her room, leaving the door open, and instructing her that she was not allowed to close it for any reason. She then proceeded to search the drawers of her desk, and remove any pencils and sharp pens, and she removed a single felt tip pen from her own dress pocket and put it on the desk.

"Miss Nagato… I'm sorry Dr. Nakigawa is so stern. He means well… I think…"

"I-it's alright, ma'am… I-is it alright t-to go to sleep?" Yuki asked nervously. The nurse started at being called 'ma'am'. Most people weren't so deferential toward her, or anyone for that matter.

"O-of course… If you need anything, please tell me… Oho! You've got some visitors, Miss Nagato! You're really lucky, you know. Not everyone has such wonderful friends…"

"I-I don't deserve such great friends…" Nagato said miserably just as Ryoko, Tsuruya, Mikuru, Haruhi, Koizumi, and Kyon all walked in

"Nagato-san..." Ryoko said sadly, walking over to Yuki and sitting down next to her, taking her into a tight embrace.

"How could you do something so selfish?" She asked, her eyes narrowing, though they were filled with tears, as she held Yuki out to look at her. "Don't you know how lonely my life would be without you? I know it isn't fair, but I depend on you, and these other guys may not act like it, but they all need you, too..."

"No. The world would be better off without me. I'm not wa..."

Before she could finish that, she felt the sting of someone slapping her. She looked at Ryoko in shock. She looked angry... But she couldn't understand why. Why was Asakura angry at her? She was just telling the truth. She had tried to kill Asakura, and her other friends. Why were they even here?

"I don't ever want to hear you say that again! You're my precious friend, and nothing will ever change that!" Asakura cried, holding Yuki even tighter in her arms.

"But... B-but... I-I tried t-to kill you! H-how could you even look at me anymore! I tried t-to kill Suzumiya, and Kyon!"

"No... A monster who stole your body tried to kill us, Yuki-chan..." Kyon said, speaking up for the first time.

"Yeah! We all know the real Yuki is so gentle and innocent that she could never lift a finger against anyone!" Haruhi said kindly, putting a hand on Yuki's shoulder, and holding her body close to her own, and grinning at her as if to say that she didn't hold anything against her. This only upset Yuki more, though, and she burst out crying.

"No! You must hate me! I-I-I tried t-to hurt you, Suzumiya-san! My behavior was disgusting, and I let my jealousy take over! I-I don't mind if you and Kyon start going out… I-I hope y-you two are happy together…" She said, although she sounded like she did mind very much.

"Whaaaaat? Is that what this was all about? You think I'm trying to steal Kyon from you? Kyon is awesome, but I would never steal him from you. You two make, like, the cutest couple! KYON! What kind of lies have you been filling Yuki-chan's head with!?"

"I-I… What the hell are you talking about, Haruhi!?" Kyon retorted, then seemed to understand, and walked over to Yuki, at which point, the rest of the group seemed to jump, and make half assed excuses for why they had to leave.

"W-why are y-you being s-s-so nice t-to me? I've done n-nothing t-to deserve your kindness. You were nothing but kind t-to me a-and I betrayed you. I-I betrayed all of you."

"Because I love you, Yuki-chan…" Kyon said, taking Yuki gently in his arms and pulling her close to him. Yuki inhaled deeply, taking in Kyon's scent as he held her close to his body, his warmth radiating from beneath his wool winter jacket.

"You know, I hate to say it, but Asakura was right. It really was pretty damn selfish of you to try to kill yourself. I know it may not mean much coming from me, but no matter what you may think in that head of yours, nobody would be happy if you died."

"Y-you're lying! Stop lying! Tell the truth!" She ordered in a voice not her own, her eyes flashing and her face contorting once more with rage and hatred. She clenched her fist, and although tears were streaming down her cheeks, she looked furious. She slapped Kyon, and shoved him against the wall, her slender fingers surprisingly strong around his throat.

"If you won't be honest with me, I swear to fucking God I'll fucking kill you, cocksucker!" She screamed, her face looking like a demon's as she slammed his head against the wall while screaming epithets at him. After a moment, Kyon managed to pry Yuki's hands off of him, and he held them in his own hands firmly, but gently.

"Will killing me really make you happy, Yuki-chan?" Kyon asked sadly, massaging his neck where her hands had been. "If it will, then, perhaps I should let you."

At this, Yuki gasped. She couldn't believe the words that were coming out of Kyon's mouth. Was this all real?

"Killing me won't make your own insecurities go away."

"Sh-shut up." Yuki muttered.

"Whether I'm alive or dead, there will still be things in the world that frighten you."

"Shut up!" Yuki said louder, through clenched teeth.

"You think that by killing everyone that hurts you, you can make your world a perfect place?"

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Yuki screamed.

"I know that Yuki-chan isn't that kind of girl! She wouldn't break a bird's neck just because it won't sing the way she wants it to! Yuki-chan is good and kind, and loves her friends! She's shy, easily frightened and insecure about herself, but she would never take her fears and uncertainties out on others! I don't know when you invaded Yuki-chan's body and mind, but you need to leave! You're not welcome in her! You never have been and you never will be!" Kyon yelled, holding Yuki's arms fast, making sure that she couldn't hurt him again.

"You fool!" Yuki said, again in a voice completely unlike her own. "I've always been in dear Yuki's subconscious! Her resentment, her anger, her fear, her hatred, and every dark and bitter feeling she's ever had! I am the consolidation of all those, and an idiot like you who only sees the sweet, gentle side of Yuki could never understand her, and doesn't deserve her! Now die! Die and atone for the pain that you've caused… N-no! I w-won't kill Kyon! I-I love him… But he will only continue to hurt you! He doesn't understand you!... Because I've hidden the real me from him. I-I've always hidden that dark, hateful, ugly side of me… I-I was afraid that he'd be disgusted with me if he knew… But I don't want him to love me based on a lie… You think he'd love you if he knew both of us!? You think that anyone can ever love someone like me… Like us!? Nobody could love someone like us!"

"You're wrong! I love Yuki Nagato! I love all sides of her! The bookish side of her that has her nose buried in science fiction novels! The otaku side of her that starts playing games on her handheld console, loses track of time, and ends up playing all night! I love the dark and frightening side of her! I may not know her at all, but I'll take the time to get to know her! I'll spend every free moment I have with her until I know everything about her!"

"LIAR! You're scared of her! And the minute she says something you don't like, you'll leave us!"

"You're right… About one thing. I'm terrified. I'm terrified of this dark, angry side of Yuki. But that doesn't mean that I love her any less. Because Yuki-chan isn't only an angry person. She's also kind and sweet. And to say that her angry side is the only side that matters would be mistaken to the point of foolishness…"

"NO! Y OU ARE A LIAR! YOU'RE ALL LIARS! YOU'LL HURT HER… US AGAIN!" Dark Nagato roared, wrenching her hands free of Kyon's and pulling his arm behind his back, dislocating his shoulder, and breaking his arm simultaneously. She then elbowed him in the head, knocking him unconscious so that he slumped onto the floor. Moments later, though, she was grabbed by an orderly, and pulled away from Kyon.

"_Huh? Why does my head hurt so much?" Kyon complained. Then, he saw a computer screen before him._

_Yuki N. I am unable to appear in corporeal form in this world. This is the best I could do._

_ Kyon groaned and began typing._

_Is this the original Nagato?_

_Yuki N. If by 'original', you mean the 'me' that you knew before the world changed on December 18__th__, then yes. However, the 'original' Nagato is the one now before you. When you decided not to change the world back, your memories slowly began to synchronize with those of the 'new' world. And thus, the 'true' reality is now the one in which you currently live._

_ I didn't really understand that._

_Yuki N. It is difficult to explain theories of temporal-spatial transference with any level of integrity due to the fact that such theories have not been made yet in your world. My knowledge of them is of the future, and thus, cannot be accurately explained to humans. However, you need only understand that I warned you that due to my anomalous state during the time-space quake, that there might be anomalies in the new world as well._

_ Is that so? Then I suppose I've been thoroughly punk'd._

_Yuki N. What does punk'd mean?_

_ Never mind. Do you know what caused this Yuki to become like this?_

_Yuki N. I do not. My connection to her is minimal, and as such, any past that I incidentally created in the creation of the new timeline is unknown to me. I cannot stay long. You will wake up soon, and thus, I must log off._

_ Wait! Why did you create this new world in the first place? Were you dissatisfied with the old world?_

_Yuki N. I have no right to be 'dissatisfied', nor was I programmed to feel such emotions. I was simply malfunctioning, and my anomalies due to my time spent in a generally anomalous and paradoxical world mounted to a point where I could no longer self-repair. I suppose that humans would say that I 'spazzed'._

_ Are you happy that I decided to stay? I want your honest opinion._

_Yuki N. The 'other' me is happy. Whether I could consider myself 'happy' is a matter of human debate. As I do not fully understand the state of being happy, I could not tell you how I feel about it. Goodbye._

And with that, Kyon snapped awake and shot up in bed to find that he was in the hospital with everyone sitting in his room sans Yuki.

"Yuki-chan!" He shouted suddenly. At this, Asakura giggled and Tsuruya smirked.

"Yuki-chan, huh? You two really became even closer before she knocked you unconscious, didn't you? You better not have taken advantage of her vulnerability… Lover boy…" Ryoko said, her psycho side showing itself again briefly.

"I most certainly did not! What kind of person do you think I am!?" Kyon snapped at Ryoko, who merely smiled, and said "Good."

He couldn't tell them what happened in his dream. First off, they surely wouldn't believe him. Second, it was a little bit personal, and probably, since the world had completely 'normalized' by then, nobody even remembered what happened accurately on the 18th through the 20th. That meant that he had always been normal, and thus, surrounded by normal, albeit slightly eccentric, people. There never was a 'deus ex machina' Haruhi, an esper Koizumi, a time traveler Mikuru, and Miss Mori, the gym teacher, had never been a maid, and Tsuruya had never been 'in' on anything. She had only eve been the slightly overprotective friend, and top member of the Mikuru Fanclub. It was strange, but in a way, refreshing to know that everything was truly normal, now… Except perhaps Yuki's rather fragile state of mind.

"I have to see Yuki-chan again!"

"No way. The doctor kicked us out. He told us not to come back for a full week, ostensibly for Yuki's health. I bet he thinks we caused her breakdown, though." Haruhi said, truly pissed off, now.

"Hey, guys. Let me tell you a story. It started back on December 18th… Well, technically it started in the beginning of my freshman year in high school, with a girl named Haruhi Suzumiya, who stood up in front of the entire class, and said 'If you're normal, I'm not interested… But if anyone here is a time traveler, alien, esper, or slider, come join me…"

**The End**


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